September 21, 2009
The Zen Approach
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Life has hit "frappe" where it comes to stress levels right now. I had to look up the Serenity Prayer this morning because it is what I was thinking of last night. I've hit a point in my life where I have done everything I can do to get to where I want to go. Everything else is in someone else's hands.
You all have no idea how much I hate that. I hate not being able to do for myself. But, right now, I'm waiting on contracts. I'm waiting other writing gigs. I'm waiting for someone to fall in love with my house so I can sell it. I am waiting until then so Jeff and I can buy the condo we want. There is only so much we can do for these things and … well… we've done them.
Now, we wait. And try to be patient.
I am stressed enough that I almost burst into tears at the last ECC game because of how our players were treating the staff. (Almost) no one was hostile. But there was a constant stream of "You're wrong." And "I can't believe you guys are doing this." And accusations of picking on players and the like. I have to say, I do not spend 20 hours a week helping to run a game just because I hate our players and want to hurt them. But the offhand snide comments – from all quarters – former STs and never-been-STs alike – are wearing me down.
Apparently, according to the Staff poll for the game, I need to smile more. It's hard to smile when people are constantly (metaphorically) throwing sh*t at you. Harder still when your foundation is on shaky ground like mine is. I realized I am hitting a breaking point and something has got to give.
So, I'm going to try to take the Zen Approach to things for a while. I have to trust that the universe is not going to screw me or my husband over. I have to trust that the contracts will come in. I will be paid and that all will be well. Eventually, the current crop of players who are constantly belittling the staff will get bored and move on. Eventually, the house will sell, we will move and I won't have to worry about making sure the house is clean-clean-clean and ready to show at all times.
This, too, will pass. But, I have to say, it kinda sucks while it is here.