I had a pre-op check up on Monday that can only be summarized as "Surprise! Pelvic exam! Yay!" Yes, really. I didn't know why I was going in for the appointment other than it was "pre-op" so the "Oh, yes, I need to do a pelvic exam on her," comment from the OBGYN to her assistant surprised the heck out of me. All-in-all, it was painless but, really, "surprise" should never be paired with anything medical related unless the word is "recovery."
Turns out she needed to fondle my ovaries to make sure they were normal she didn't have any surprises in surgery. Ok. I can see why it was needed. It was just a little startling.
Kind of reminds me of my very first pelvic exam. It was done at a military hospital for my AFROTC DODMERB (I think that's the acronym – Department of Defense Medical Exam Review Board) qualification. I learned two things on that day:
1. Never wear pink in a military hospital. You will stick out like a sore thumb.
2. You will get to know the female nurse who invariably has to follow you around to all of your medical exams because you are 17 and 98% of the doctors are male.
I also had that whole "Surprise! Pelvic exam! Yay!" experience along with the "Surprise! Anal probe tool! Yay!" experience. Yes, really. My mother said that she had never seen me so indignant when I was done with that doctor in my short life. Granted, the doctor (who was frakkin' gorgeous) had been very nice and kind and assured me he wasn't going to hurt me. He did not lie.
That is only because I didn't know what a pap smear was. When he asked, "Do you need a pap smear?" I was mystified why an OBGYN would want a throat culture from me. So, I said, "No." Otherwise, I would have been introduced to Mr. Speculum as well as Mr. Slimy Anal Probe.
But, he didn't hurt me.
Ok. My dignity took a beating but I survived.