Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,


Abstract Thoughts has been updated with Want of Solitude... or Something which is about me spazzing out and how I react to spazzing out.
January 24, 2008
Want of Solitude... or Something
I have a lot on my plate right now. A lot that I am actively doing: Job hunting, interviewing, tech writing for Amazon, waiting for my condo to sell, sending out Agent query letters and writing on my DDC LARP. Some of the more important stuff, I have little or no control over. It's stressful. It's making the introvert in me want to hide. As a consequence, I am constantly fighting with myself and my desire to hole up in my office and forget the world.

I will admit, I do this a lot but the urge is much, much stronger right now. It reminds me of the time when I holed up for three years. Yeah. Three years. I went to work. I came home. I lived online where I could control things in the fashion I wanted to control them in. It was a very safe, solitary, lonely time in my life. It's one of the reasons I fight against this isolationist tendency.

I say isolationist instead of hermiting because Jeff is on the island now. He's got his own hut and everything. He's not even eligible to be voted off. I have no problem with him around. I like it and him. Mostly, I just fight against my desire to stay home. I know I'm right to fight against this mood. I almost didn't go to a special event LARP but since I said I would I did not want to back down. I'm glad I didn't. I had a pretty darned good time at it.

I suspect that a lot of this stress and need to hide will lessen as the stressful things drop off my list - after the condo sells, after I get a QA contract, after I finished up with the LARP writing. At least I'm recognizing and combating this as best I can.

The rest of the first round of agent query letters have gone out now. If I were smart, I'd already be putting together a second round of agent query letters. I am choosing to be optimistic over smart today. In a week, I will do a second round of queries. We will see what we see.

In the meantime, I've got plenty of tech writing to do and homework from Margaret Weis Productions to do in preparation for the big contract. As well as short term writing on the DDC LARP. Bill has tossed it back at me and I need to put the finishing touches on it this week so he can do the final bits and start the packet stuffing.

I'm trying very hard not to freak out about money and such because I still own the condo. I have to believe that it will sell this weekend. Apparently, there was almost a sale but another condo reduced their price by $25K (and thus, lower than mine) and the buyer went with them. However, I have faith in James. He will sell my condo this weekend.

The money issue reared its ugly head recently because I was looking at my February budget (paying the end of January bills). I did about double what I usually do for Amazon this month. That is a nice chunk of change. If I don't own the condo anymore, it would be an ideal amount of money for me. As it is, I am looking at it all being eaten up by a mortgage and HOA payment. I suppose this is why I want this weekend (and the impending condo sale) to happen NOW.

Jeff, of course, is assuring me that everything will be just fine and I believe him. It will. I know it will.

More than 50% of the agent query letters have already come back rejected. This is the hard part of being an author. A really hard part. Rejections are a part of life when it comes to writing and submitting work. I have pondered the responses and the letter I wrote. I think, for this second time around, I need to do a series of letters. In the first one, I gave them a choice of books. This next time around, I'm going to do one book per letter and I'm going to do a different set of focuses. Instead of a wilder variety, I'm going to focus on each "silo" of publishing (Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Finance, Drama) separately. We'll see how that works.

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