Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

Freaky Friday Fiction - Intervention

Jeff almost dropped his keys when he walked into his living room from the front hallway and found it full of his friends. It wasn't his birthday and they weren't smiling. "What's going on?" He put his keys and gadget magazine down on the table and hovered near the doorway.

"We've got to talk." Anthony began in a very calm voice.

Liz interrupted, clearly angry, "Why the fuck did you break up with Helen? She was the best thing that ever happened to you."

"Liz, everyone, please..." Anthony said. "We agreed to be calm and rational about this."

"You've got to be kidding. This is about Helen? Look, it's none of your business why I broke up with her." Jeff said, crossing his arms. "I don't want to talk about it so, get out."

"It doesn't work like that." Nathan shrugged. "And, who you're dating does affect us."

"Bullshit!" Jeff was confused and uneasy. This was the first time his friends had organized against him. It was new and he did not like it.

"Bullshit, my ass." Jenny, normally quiet, spoke up. "Who you date means who you're going to inflict on us. Helen was the sanest, coolest, geekiest girl you've ever dated. She's the only one we actually really liked."

"Yeah," Suzanne added. "The one before her lowered the IQ of the room when she opened her mouth."

Jenny continued, "The one before that one was just psycho. She stole from us, lied to you and played stupid mind games with all of us."

"I have to side with the girls on this one," Anthony said. "Up until Helen, your girlfriends have been our misery and you couldn't see it. Or didn't care."

Jeff looked from face to face to face in the room and saw the grim determination. He shook his head. "This is a fucking intervention. Well, it won't work. Helen is long gone. She lives too far away and I just don't care enough to make a long distance relationship work. She already said she wouldn't move here. I tried. I'm done."

"Jeff, think about what you're saying. This is a girl you met at DefCon who likes to pick locks, network computers, play video games and is a gadget nut. She's sweet, pretty and smart. How can you give that up?" Nathan asked

"Easy. I told her I wasn't interested in continuing our relationship anymore. She pushed it, telling she felt that I was distant from her. I wanted to tell her in person but I didn't have the chance. There's no going back. I'm not dating her anymore. In fact, I have a date set up with someone else this coming weekend." Jeff said. "So, you all can just bugger off. I don't appreciate your interference."

"Wrong answer." Anthony said and then nodded once.

Jeff looked at him to argue but his argument turned into a gasp of pain when Justin, who had been quietly standing behind Jeff, drove an expertly aimed fist into Jeff's lower back. Jeff stumbled forward.

"I'm sorry, Jeff." Anthony said. "We talked it over before you got here. We made our decision. We're done. No more horrible girlfriends. We just won't put up with it." At this point, Anthony held a wooden chair leg like a cudgel.

Jeff looked around through the pain and saw that all of his friends were now standing and slowly circling him. Each one of them was armed: Anthony with the chair leg, Jenny with a frying pan. Suzanne with a cane. John with golf club. Nathan with a hammer. Karen with a shovel and Justin with a pair of brass knuckles. He tried to back away from them but there was nowhere to go. "What are you doing?"

"We're dealing with the issue. You and your bad taste in women. Helen was your one and only saving grace and you threw her away. Now, we're going to get rid of the conduit of pain that has plagued us for years." Anthony said as John snaked his golf club forward around Jeff's ankle and yanked the man off balance.

Jeff falling over was chum in the water for the circling friends who had become enemies due to putting up with too much for too long, seeing hope in the girl named Helen and having it dashed before their eyes. Weapons were raised and began raining down upon the man with who had brought so much pain and misery into their lives over the years. Helen had been an aberration. Jeff proved that by throwing her away. Years of unvoiced frustration screamed with each blow until the only ones screaming were the only ones standing and the bloody mess in the middle no longer moved, much less breathed. It was a execution long overdue that had been paused by the brief event known as the girlfriend Helen.

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