Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

Unsober Thoughts at 2am

I went out to the Merc tonight with my roommate to meet up with friends. It was a good time separated by a haze of sorrow. On the way to the club, my friend Dave called. I wasn't driving. He was crying. I could hear it in his voice. A gaming friend of ours had died in a motorcycle accident the day before. I didn't know Britt super well but I knew him enough to still exchange random emails. Well enough that it hurt when Dave told me. Right then, I realized (again) how far away I was from some friends I cared deeply about.

The club was good. The people, my friends, were, too. The tears were brief in the car. Deep breaths to control them. We were going to have a good time. Going to meet up with friends. I told a couple of people. I stopped telling people when I realized it made them uncomfortable. I drank. Not to excess. Didn't finish that 4th glass of wine. Drinking water now. Eating leftover taters and gravy.

The stupid thing is that I am upset that I can't remember the name of any of Britt's characters from the Port Townsend game or the Star Wars game. We had a damn fine time gaming together but I can't remember those details and it is making me feel like a horrible person.

I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. We weren't that close but I feel like I should remember those details. I can remember bits... but not those damn names. I don't know why not. It is making me cry more than the discovery of his death and that makes me feel so small.


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