Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

Anxiety Dream

This was one big fat anxiety dream where I am forgotten about, ignored and made inconsequential by a close friend, then gaming, then a faceless organization and finally by a group of in-your-face strangers. The dream is seamless from one sequence to the next. Guest appearances by baronlaw and strixluna. I should add that I really hate dreams like this one.

I was hanging out with Bill in a VR game, talking with him and preparing to go into a dungeon with him. I had to stop and check email for something. When I returned from the email, back into the VR game, Bill was gone. He had not let me a bubble note or anything. I was very upset to be forgotten again. I followed his trail (unseen footsteps) through the dungeon until I found him.

"Why did you leave without me?"

"I thought you were behind me."

"Why didn't you check?"

"I forgot about you. Besides, it's your responsibility to keep up with me. Now, let's play."

I was very hurt at this rebuff. But, I tried to lose myself in the Call of Cthulhu game, sneaking around the old house. I found a room that had a glow coming from under it and heard mumbling. I turned to tell Bill but he was gone again. It frightened me to be in this haunted house alone.

I rushed through the house, looking for him, calling out softly. I turned and Sam was standing there in AD&D Ranger garb. I thought she was going to attack me. So, I attacked first, grabbing her by the hair and pushing her to the bed, yelling questions at her. I would let her breathe, and then would pin her back to the bed, shouting at her. Then, I realized that she was not a monster. I let her up, apologizing.

"It looks like you have hit on hard times, my lady. Perhaps, you would like to join my merry band of adventurers?" Sam said.

I accepted and started following her through the dungeon. We opened a door and Bill was there, practicing his sword skill against the ghost of a sword master. Apparently, he was already part of the adventuring party. Sam didn't introduce me to the party. She and Bill started talking (calling each other by different names) with the party. I tried to join in, looking from face to face. After being ignored and cut off a couple of times, I stood up from the circle around the fire and said, "Thanks for the invite, but I think I'm going home."

I turned and walked out of the camp into the twilight campground. I looked to the East and saw the sky this neat fire color (that looked suspiciously like the sky in Oblivion around an Oblivion Gate) and knew that a big celebration for "Fire on the Mountain" - sunrise on Beltane - was gathering. I headed in that direction but kids with banners kept getting in my way. When I tried to go around them, someone walked in front of me, stringing a white rope barrier and funneling people towards a tollbooth. This made me angry because I knew "They" (SCA? Everyone was in garb.) were doing it on purpose, just to keep me out. I had no money with me.

I turned and walked back to the hotel, knowing that I should be able to have a very good view of the Fire on the Mountain from the balcony of my hotel room. I arrived to find I had locked myself out of my hotel room. After convincing a maid that I was a guest there, I was let in. I sprawled on the bed and felt my keycard in my shoe and felt very stupid for forgetting that's where I put it.

I stood up and walked to the glass door to the balcony that was shared with another hotel room. There were already two couples out on the balcony, watching the sky. I didn't want to interrupt them. So, I put on some waltz music and stayed inside, watching. But, I couldn't see very well. So, I opened the door and walked out to stand on a chair. I had about 20 seconds of pretty view before one of the ladies (J a PM from work) turned back towards my hotel room and started commenting on the music and how it was played at her wedding.

She and the others headed into my hotel room, heedless of the fact that I was yelling at them to stay out. I followed them in, telling them to leave my stuff alone. It was as if I did not exist for them. They never acknowledged me. I had to physically shove them out of my hotel room, close and lock the door to keep them out.

I looked at the red sky and wished that I could be a part of it instead of where I was.

Tags: dreams

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