Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,


Abstract Thoughts has been updated with Happygasm - which is all about recent happiness!!

April 4, 2006
I have a new car! It is so cool. I love driving it. It is a 2006 Matrix XR in midnight blue. My forth car and forth color (grey, burgundy, silver and midnight blue). I was answering my friend Rob in a post about stopping to appreciate life. He wrote "Stop for a moment, any moment in your day. Close your eyes and touch something, anything. Stop and listen, and feel, and smell…then open and see, see everything that you can. Let it remind of an instant, a memory… good or bad, but a slice of the pageant. If you’re feeling up to it, share it."

My response was: I'm all about sensations right now with my BRAND NEW CAR! Driving a new car is all about living by sensations, growing and learning how your new car works. How the wheel feels as it slides through your hands. The real 'new car' smell (not the sprayed crap) that says this isn't your domain - yet. The feel of the all wheel drive as you turn. How solid. How the suspension feels. The car isn't a part of you, yet. The two of you are still getting to know one another. The questions are still there: How are the brakes? How will it corner? What do all the buttons do? How many miles to the tank? How fast is it going when it vibrates at a certain level and sounds a certain way? Will it get you through that next close call? Will it slide out of control? What is its name? Sometimes, I forget how organic driving is for me. I drive with my whole body - sight, sound, touch, smell. All of it. There is nothing like an unfamiliar car to remind you of this.

Yeah. That sums it up well. The car seems to be resisting the name "Dudley the 4th." I think that's because he's blue and not the original phantom grey I was planning to get. I guess I will have to get to know him better and wait for him to tell me his name.

My writing plate is full, as usual. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have all of the obligations and story ideas I have. I am scheduled for at least two projects for Sovereign Press for fall. I don't know how big they will be, yet but I'm looking forward to them. Plus, I've gotten a hint of something else I might be working on soon that is requiring some research of the good kind. Hmmm, watch a TV show I've wanted to get into but haven't had time to because it "might be a good idea if I get real familiar with it soon." Heh. Cool.

Also, I've finally received both of my books from Sovereign Press, "Holy Order of the Stars" and "Legends of the Twins." Both books look darned good if I do say so myself. Love seeing my name in print in them. I really want a cover credit though. Someday, soon. I will have to mention my desire to one of my editors and ask them what it would take to get that done. It may require me to drop out of life for a couple months but I could handle that.

In the realm of new toys, I finally found a place selling the X-Box 360. Oh my... what a snazzy machine. It has amazing graphics. Amazingly pretty. It has got me actually playing Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. After watching Ron play for a bit, I really got the itch to make a character. I've made a high elf and I'm going to specialize in magic. I'm still in the tutorial section of the game but it fun. I still get worked up and screwed up on which thumb stick moves me versus which one looks around. So, sometimes, I'll end up spinning around and around randomly firing off magic spells when I get in combat. It's got to be funny to watch me but I'm enjoying me. Yes, I'm a happy little consumer.

I have dream snippets that involve friends all the time. It is often just a short conversation, just a couple of exchanges and then I wake up or move on to something else. Usually, I just note this and continue on. I don't write them up. Yesterday, I had one and told it to the friend it involved. The conversation paraphrased went like this:

Me: I had an interesting/odd dream snippet with you in it yesterday. We were standing in what looked like a school hallway. You grabbed me by the upper arms and pushed me against the lockers, "Wake up Jenn. I want you to wake up." You grabbed my shoulders, shaking me a little, knocking me against the lockers, "I want you to wake up. I want your attention on me. Look at me." I looked up at you and woke up.

Him: Good. Now, do I have your attention?

Me: Yes. I would say so.

Him: Hm, interesting story idea.

Me: What story idea?

Him: I'll have to write it and send it to you.

I had what I can only describe as a "happygasm" at that. I don't really have the words to express the feeling but it is that feeling you get at the moment you discover that someone has done something completely unexpected and really nice for you. It's like an explosion of mental pleasure that makes you grin like a fool and stand there speechless for a few moments.

Writing is extremely important to me. The idea that someone would write something just for me makes me happy beyond words. The poem that Ivan wrote for me call "Persephone Melts" made me waggle with joy. When someone writes something for me, it is like they are giving me a part of themselves and it is something I appreciate beyond words. I wish I could express my thoughts. All I can do is smile.

I can't wait to see this story based on my dream snippet. I really can't. So, I will have to suffice with a reprinting of the poem Ivan wrote for me. It's a sestina.

For Jennifer
By Ivan Ewert

Persephone melts, Persephone grows,
Spring and dawn to darkened Eden.
Her loss is gain, her strength her own.

What has been cloaked may now be shown,
Aurora once more made our friend.
Persephone melts, Persephone grows.

Embrace her victory, proud Zephyros!
Hold fast this goddess as she ascends!
Her loss is gain, her strength her own.

"Thy prison of flesh is shed, my own;
Your strength alone do I thus commend."
Persephone melts, Persephone grows.

"Stoke white and scarlet Bride’s bellows,
Your private winter is brought to an end."
Her loss is gain, her strength her own.

May the tallow-candle thus spark your soul -
I pray this too-poor payment not offend.
Your loss is gain, your strength your own –
Persephone melts, Persephone grows.

Copyright February 2006.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Pentacles

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