Tool Using Jenn
It's no secret that my family and I did not always get along. We get along much better now and I can't remember the last big family argument. Still, I do have some trepidation when dealing with some of my family; especially with my brother, Scott. However, that said, he is still my brother and still family. I've got his back against outside forces. It looks like some unpleasantness will be coming his way soon and I find myself feeling very protective of him and upset at what I think is about to happen. It is partly family obligation and partly the fact that he is my twin brother. I grew up with him. I do love him even if I don't always like him. I am currently in a 'wait and see' mode. Hopefully, things won't be as bad as I envision them.
On as interesting note, this means I may be seeing him while I'm in CA for Dundracon. Him and my ex-boyfriend, Chris - the one who first broke my heart into a million pieces. Chris occasionally comes to DDC. I've never seen him. Scott, who is good friends with him, is going to talk to him about DDC, getting the information and maybe the two of them will come to DDC to visit with me. I'm not sure how I feel about seeing them. Either one of them. I suppose I shouldn't worry about it until it happens.
Now that I've signed all the paperwork for the refinance and will be saving $400/month in the process, I am finally going to finish some projects that REALLY need to be finished. I've waived my roommate's rent for the month of February because he has agreed to help me. It will cut into some of his playtime but he doesn't mind it so much. Besides, I'm also bribing him with a 360 X-Box for the house as soon as we get all these projects done. I really need to get these projects done for me to assure myself that I really am going to stay here. These projects include:
• Decorating the living room wall with my LotR maps and standard.
• Unpacking all my books and alphabetizing them.
• Cleaning out the playroom closet and finish setting up the playroom for games and kittens.
• Cleaning out the shelves in Ron's room.
• Cleaning out the hall closet and restructuring it.
• Cleaning up the pantry to make it more useable.
• Restructure the kitchen so it is more useable.
• Cleaning up the entertainment center and surrounding area.
• Cleaning up the entryway closet.
I know there are more things to do but that is what I have off the top of my head. I think those things will make my life and Ron's better.
Boykitty is doing very well, but I think he's getting bored of being in the playroom. I'm thinking of picking up a couple of other foster kittens to keep him occupied. Though, that will have to be after Ron and I finally finish cleaning up and setting up the play room. I'm in sporadic contact with his owner, Gerry, who has been approved for assisted living and says that he has a tentative move in date of late February. I really hope this is true. I like Boykitty but I really think he needs to be in a loving home and not in my playroom.
Last night, I had dinner with Patrick. I found out that Kevin had the lap band surgery about five or six months ago and is doing wonderfully. Apparently, one of the things the two them will be doing to celebrate Kevin's weight loss is to go on a Mediterranean cruise very much like the one I was going to go on but had to cancel. During the conversation, Patrick said something that really struck me. "When we go on the cruise, Kevin's going to get an unfill so he can eat semi-normally while we're on vacation because part of vacation is about the food."
An unfill for vacation? It was a startling revelation for me. Holy Toledo! The tool (lap band) works both ways!! I could unfill for my week long road trip to CA this year in September and enjoy eating at Chef Liu's or Sono Sushi or even In-&-Out Burger! Sure, I won't be able to eat as much and will have to eat slowly. But, if I'm careful, I'll be able to enjoy all my favorites in CA that I get to maybe once a year.
I know it seems obvious and despite my occasional yearnings for the ability to fill and unfill my band at will, it never occurred to me that I could unfill for vacation. That the band is not a one way tool and that I'm not forever barred from some of my favorite foods because of the band. You have no idea just how amazing and important this revelation is to me. Suddenly, I don't miss those restaurants or that food as much anymore. Since I have my vacation so rarely, "taking a week off from the band" will not affect me too adversely. It is something I will be able to allow myself. The "forbidden and gone forever" no longer is and part of the psychological want for it is. It is a very freeing sensation.
Now that the first volume of the Edge of Propinquity is out and published, I am feeling much, much better about it as a project and my writing as a whole. I am still "not writing" anything but the next TEoP story for the rest of the month to give myself a break. However, that doesn't stop me from thinking about possible new or old projects to work on.
I talked a lot with Phoebe recently about Regresser's Evolution, Breaking the Chain and TTF. I've got the urge to work on Breaking the Chain some more. Not the story but the universe behind the story. It is very complex and I do want it to make sense. Plus, I really need to have this universe in place, warts and all, before I write that novel. Plus, Pangborn Nomads is still hanging out in the wings, partly outlined.
I'm a bit like a kid in a candy store. Too many choices. I don't know which thing to pick. Right now, I'm just staring at them, vacillating between my various wants. They all seem fun in one aspect or another. So, for now, I think I'll still sit back and look. Besides, I just received my review edition of "Blood Angel" by Justine Musk to review for Black Gate. I think I'll focus on it for a while.
Tarot Card for the Day: Eight of Pentacles