Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,


Abstract Thoughts has been updated with two for the price of one: Breaking Points - which was about my foundation breaking and Roommates - I suddenly have one and this is not a bad thing.

August 14
Breaking Points

It's been a rough couple of weeks emotionally. A lot of people have needed to lean on me for support and it finally got to a point where I couldn't hold it all together. It felt like the entire world around me was falling apart and I was doing my best impression of the kid at the dike, plugging holes with my fingers and failing.

Actually, I wasn't really failing until I hurt myself. I wrenched my left knee, the knee I broke a few years back, and sprained my medial collateral ligament AKA the inside muscle of the left knee. It hurt enough that I did go to the doctor willingly. That should tell people who know my love of doctors a whole lot right there.

I am a wimp about non-consensual pain. If I didn't agree to it, it sucks. It saps my strength and my patience. Timing was brilliantly bad. I tried to keep up the support through the pain until I hit a breaking point. There is only so much support a person can offer when their own foundation has sprung a leak like mine did. For the first time in my memory, I actually called a friend and asked her to come over so I could cry on her shoulder.

I felt so much better afterwards. I think it was a huge step for me in learning that I can't always shoulder it alone. I don't have to go it alone if I don't want to. It has been just another step forward for my busy mind.


Lately, my mind has been doing a whole lot of house cleaning and rearranging. It seems to be mimicking my physical home. The construction guys came through, added screens and cleaned all the windows. That means they are pretty much officially done on the inside of the condo! You have no idea how happy this makes me. They still have to paint the front stairs and back deck but that is coming along nicely.

One of the things I have discovered is that, now that I don't want to "run away" from Microsoft anymore, I don't feel the need to "run away" from my condo as much any more. Especially with things slowly but surely coming back to normal. I may not like the house payment but I still love my home. The more I get settled into my new job, the less I feel I need to be able to escape on a moment's notice. So, I'm back to wanting to keep the condo and just get a room mate instead. If the current prospect falls through (and I really hope he doesn't), I've already decided that I'm going to see if I can find another room mate.

I can already see the ad on Craigslist: Are you a financially responsible gaming hermit? Do you love the internet and the X-Box? Would you rather spent your time alone with your computer/gaming hardware than deal with pesky humans unless you are TT gaming, LARPing or playing on your X-Box? Do you like psychotic cats? Have I got the living situation for you! It includes free wi-fi and is 3 miles from the Microsoft campus....

I really hope it doesn't come to that.


The writing side of me has really woken up. I've started a new writing regiment. I've put together my 1st Round Reader's Group. I've mapped out my writing map and have enough to keep me busy for months on end. Now, I just have to replace my hard drive in Roland because this one is bad. It's put a nasty cramp in my writing roll but has helped a lot with my reading. I realized I wasn't reading or writing enough and I have taken some steps to fix that little problem.

Tarot Card for the Day: Knight of Swords, Inverted

August 19

Big changes in my life once more. I have a roommate now. It's a bit sooner than expected but circumstances require it. His name is Ron and I think everything is going to work out fine once we get the situation settled. The biggest thing that needed to be settled was which room would be his bedroom and which room would be the playroom.

We decided that the library will be his bedroom because it was the smaller of the two rooms. We are still working out whether or not we need to move all of the books from there into the playroom. We may not have to. The playroom would encompass his X-box, his crafting workspace and any kittens I foster. (Yes, we've already figured out how the whole crafting versus inquisitive kittens would work.) The playroom will also double as a guestroom for out-of-town guests.

There is a whole lot of work to do to get what I just mentioned accomplished. A whole lot. 70% of my books are packed and I still have to go through the last 30%. I'm giving away a lot of books, jewelry, clothing and -stuff- soon. I had expected to do that before my new roommate moved in. So, I will be working on everything, starting with the library, every day starting today to help get this stuff done. I think, in the end, I will relish the completion of the condo and having everything back in its place.

On the territory and emotional side of things, I think I will have a little bit of work to do in my head. I think Ron will be an excellent roommate. He's a gaming hermit who likes his space and his solitude. Thus, he understands that I will want mine. However, he's also just social enough to be a fun companion to do errands or occasional dinners with. He likes to cook. He doesn't mind me watching him play the X-box (yay!), is very relaxed and is generally a good guy.

I will just have to get used to not being alone in my home with the cat. I will have to get over my poutiness that the cat is going to like Ron more than me. It's a fact. She prefers men. Also, no more nekkid wanderings around the condo in the mornings. That's just not kosher with a roomie I'm not actively intimate with. There will be an adjustment period. However, we've talked about all this and we seem to be seeing eye-to-eye on everything.

Even though there will be some adjusting, Ron moving in is a great thing for me. He's a gamer - table top, LARP and video gaming. There's no more worrying about who will take care of the cat and get the mail when I'm gone. Less of a worry of what happens if someone breaks in. A definite help when it comes to paying the mortgage on the house. Occasional companionship when I'm craving it. Despite the sudden rush of all this, I'm really looking forward to having a roommate whose temperament suits mine.


In other news, I built up my new hard drive from scratch. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be and thank goodness for timely back ups. There were no data losses. Just some data publication delays in Abstract Thoughts and Dreamlines. The only wibble is remembering all of the software I use on a regular basis and making sure it gets installed. I can only hope that this hard drive is better than the last one.

I sent out my first story to my first round readers group with a decent response. All of the feedback I've received so far was expected. I'm happy that they liked the story. Now, I have to do a second round polish and decide how I'm going to start sending out the stories for publication - One by one as they are done or save them up and do a splat once a month. I don't know. The once a month thing might be better so I can also keep some of my older unpublished stuff in circulation.

Thinking of writing and the creative process, I have been having some very interesting dreams that appear to be representing the shifting around of the creative force in my head. They are KDJ and Rising Waters. The first dream seems to be indicating that my subconscious wanted to inform me of something and the second showed me the most accurate imagery I have ever seen of what goes on in my head all the time - how I am flooded with ideas.

Thinking of dreams, I will be very glad to get my dining room table uncluttered so I have space to continue working on my dream tome. I'm only in 1998 right now and I have a lot of work to do.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Swords

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