April 30, 2005
Geek Points & Sex
I think I have hit a new high for my geek point status. As everyone on my LiveJournal knows, the Casey & Andy webcomic that I am a sidekick character in has been turned into a GURPS PDF game edition. I'm pretty happy with it. I bought my copy a couple days ago and have been giggling over it ever since. Though, honestly, the idea of someone role-playing "me" in a Casey & Andy game is a little odd. Technically, it's not "me." It's the character Andy based on me based on what he knows of me and what both Casey and Mary remember of me. Still, it is "me" in the fact that it is my name and I'm the one it is based on. Weird and fun. I would love to be in a Casey & Andy game with the crew. Maybe when I visit California in late September.
Someone sent me a gift out of the blue. It was some fresh fruits, Cater Lake Crunch, rice crackers and carrot cake. Yum! Unfortunately, I have no idea who it is. The note on the package only said: "Random surprise from" // "To brighten my day" and that's it. I've been munching on the goodies since I got them. If you sent it to me, thank you. I appreciate it. I love getting random and unexpected gifts. It means that someone thought of me when I wasn't there and that means the whole world to me.
Next week, work goes back to normal. No more C# class. Just automating my little heart out. I have a month left to get all of my stuff done and I'm not sure how I'm going to do it all. The C# class was interesting but it was very intense. I wish I had had this guy as my teacher at BCC. I might have learned more then instead of now.
On the writing front, I'm supposed to be taking a little break from writing but that hasn't stopped my normal goober game writing. I wrote up all the stuff for the Crimson Dawn LARP and I've written up a little background story for my new character in the Tuesday night game that Ben will be running until Patrick has time to get back into the 7th Sea game.
My new character is based around the lead from the Bourne Identity except, she became aware of herself 2 years ago and got helped out by a large philanthropic organization who then hired her to work for them. She has been working for them for two years, still hasn't figured out who she once was and is hunted but doesn't know it. This is a WoD 2.0 game with an X-Files and Millennium bent to it. I'm very excited about the game.
Thinking of the Tuesday night game, last Tuesday proved that "Spring has sprung" when all of the conversations we had ended up revolving around sex and the fact that everyone has been thinking a lot about sex lately. I know I have. In a major way. So much so that sometimes it's hard to concentrate on whatever I'm doing. I'm spending a whole lot of time in my head knocking boots with movie stars, fictional characters and friends. I think some of my friends would be very surprised and/embarrassed to learn of some of the roles they have recently played in my fantasies. However, I'm not talking. I don't need to scare off any of my friends.
I've also been itching to find a good dominate play partner but I don't want to damage my sleigh bed by drilling holes in the frame for eyebolts. Ben, being a woodworking sort, has offered to figure out if he can build a simple wooden harness for me. I've been thinking about various designs and I think I've figured out one that I want to discuss with him. He's also offered to build a toy cabinet for all my BDSM toys. That would be appreciated. It sucks that they are just in a cardboard box for now.
A cutie friend at work told me that he and his girlfriend just broke up. He's moved out and bought his own house. This is the guy that reminds me a bit of a cross between Yony and Robert. So, of course, I'm attracted to him. But, I suspect pursuing him in any way would be disastrous. I would end up being the "rebound girl" and that would suck. Plus, he works in my department. While I've loosened that whole not dating people from the same company because that cuts out most of the eligible geeky men in the Seattle/East Side area I would be interested in, dating someone in the same Test org is still a bit close for comfort. Ah, well. Rainy day fantasies.
Thinking more on sex, a friend of mine has become the "other woman" in an illicit affair. Normally, I would chide her for such an action. But, you know what? She's an adult. She knows what she's doing and she believes she's prepared for the consequences of her actions. Good for her. What sucks is the fact that I am green with envy over this. I've always wanted to be the "other woman." I suppose, it's because I've always been attracted to rule breakers and I wish I could be a rule breaker, too. Not to mention, getting something that is forbidden makes it that much more sweet.
I know it is wrong and against my "Honesty, Communication, Comfort Zones" rules that I have for all relationships - monogamous or poly. But, dammit, sometimes, I wish I could just break the damn rules. Mine, his, society's, morality's, etc... I want to do the bad thing. I want to have what I shouldn't. Can you imagine it? The hidden affair filled with secret meetings and hot sex, knowing that this is all it can be? Not to mention the power high of knowing someone is willing to risk so very much (money, reputation, marriage, friends) to be with you. All because you are just that special/attractive/desirable to them.
Yeah, it's idealized in my mind. I know it. Most illicit affairs end badly. That doesn't stop me from still wanting that thrill and excitement. I won't really know what it is like until I experience it. Try explaining the taste of chocolate to someone who has never tasted it or what an orgasm feels like to someone who has never experienced one. You can talk all you want. You read all you want. But, until you do it, you can never really understand how it feels and I want to know.
Tarot Card for the Day: Five of Swords