This Too Shall Pass
Happy New Year and Anniversary to me! Abstract Thoughts is now six years old. Very cool. Never thought I would get this far but I think having a journal has really helped me keep a perspective on my life. Especially this day. August 1st has become my own personal New Year's day. Lots of changes have happen. This is the day that I reflect on it. One of the best things it has done for me was prove the old adage: "This too shall pass." It has allowed me to truly understand that certain events are not the end of the world. That broken hearts mend, love does still exist and that some friendships are meant to stay while others are meant to go by the wayside.
2004 - Today: I spent the very, VERY early morning with Shane [Some day soon, I must make myself a Seattle cast list for future reference.] in the wake of the werewolf game in Red Square of the University of Washington - which is very pretty, as an aside. Shane had driven me there since it was my first game and I didn't know how to get there. We got back to my home about 4:30am and did that up-really-late-random-rambling talk thing that happens upon occasion after a LARP. He spent the rest of the night/morning in my guest room and I'm not sure when he left to go run NERO. After too little sleep, I got up in time to spent the afternoon with Cynthia, fabric shopping for a Victorian outfit she's making me. I am so very glad she is up here.
2003 - Today minus one year: I became "landed gentry" on this day, closing on my first home. I gained possession of it. I was extremely stressed from the move from California to Seattle and I was still living in temp housing. However, this was a major turning point in my life. I could see the end to some of the moving stress in my life and this was the first official "putting down roots" I have ever really experienced. I had moved to the pacific northwest like I wanted to for years. I had a good paying job and I now owned a condo that I could live in for the rest of my life if I so chose to. Very heady stuff, really.
2002 - Today minus two years: This is the year I first started 'officially' acknowledging the first of August as my own personal New Year's day. I was fostering kittens and I had experienced my first death of a kitten, Sheridan. This hit me pretty hard. I was also just a few weeks out from being whacked by the crush fairy that eventually led me to dating one of the most wonderful men I know today. Yony turned out to be a wonderful support for me and proved to me that there was still love for me out there after all. This is also about the time I met Monte, Thea, Hans, Robert and the rest of the Palo Alto crew who made my last 18 months in California a pure joy - if occasionally an exciting and dramalicious joy. Those who have not moved up to Seattle I still miss.
2001 - Today minus three years: This was the year I decided to do three things to really change my life. First, I was going to really focus on loosing weight. I started with the Atkins diet. While it was successful, I did the yo-yo thing with it. Two, I decided I was going to follow my dream of becoming a published fiction author. I was going to put the effort into writing and submitting work and it really helped. Three, I was going to go out and find a new social group to be with because I felt (rightfully or wrongly) I was being taken for granted by many of my friends at the time. It is what lead me eventually to the Palo Alto group.
2000 - Today minus four years: At this point, I was still really trying to find a place for me that I was comfortable with. I was still looking at my job with Silicon Spice as "transitory" (it was) as well as living with Donna and her son Scott. Also, I was spending as much time as I could in escapist gaming rather than focusing on me and what I needed to do for myself. It's been really hard. This was probably one of the hardest years of my life. I had a real need to be accepted and appreciated. Since I wasn't getting it in real life, I got it in my gaming. I think, it was what kept me sane and not suicidal. I can admit that now. I was extremely depressed all the time and probably needed professional help.
1999 - Today minus five years: My biggest concern at this point was becoming debt free. I was almost there. It had been a long hard road but I had done it between budging and being miserly. The other thing I was fighting with was the concepts of being "nice" or "keeping your word" were considered passé or not good. That is was OK to break a promise and stupid to be nice. This is also the year that the Great Gamer Migration was born. The idea that a bunch of us would move to the Pacific Northwest and get out of the far too expensive Bay area.
1998 - Today minus six years: Abstract Thoughts begins. I was really having issues with my parents beginning preparations to move to North Carolina. While I did not see them very often, they were still my safety net at this point. I was working at ICMS as the only QA person. This is also the year that Johanna first introduced me to "House of Cards" and forever changed my style of LARPing.
Looking back at all of this has also pointed out a couple other things to me. I am not a failure. I have actually accomplished many of the tasks that I have set out to do. I guess, sometimes, I don't give myself enough credit in that manner. I think, I have come a long way mentally and emotionally. That is extremely encouraging in the face of some of my more personal emotional issues. Sometimes, it really is nice to sit back and take stock. Things are better than they seem and I have the proof that I can do what I have set out to accomplish.
Tarot Card for the Day: King of Wands, Inverted