The Journey of a Year
A year ago today, Hans and I got in his car and drove from the San Francisco Bay Area to Seattle. We were both leaving a lot behind and were both headed towards a future we wanted. It has not been easy and I think it is safe to say that neither of us got exactly what we expected. Partly, I suppose, because neither of us really knew what to expect or want.
This last year has seen some huge changes for me and my life. It has been incredibly stressful but, at the same time, welcoming. I almost cannot believe that a whole year has passed. At the same time, part of me is asking, "Only a year? Is that it? How could all of that have happened in only a year?"
I bought a condo. Landed gentry is what I joked. I own my own home. Occasionally, I am still awed by this fact. I still wander around my home, marveling that it is "mine" and I can do whatever I want with it. It still feels a like a palace to me. I have a room I don't use at all right now because I haven't gotten my act together and set up fostering kittens, yet. I have a room that is both my library and a full fledged close-the-door-and-have-sex-if-you-want guest room. I am still in love with my many skylights. I own a home that is big enough for more than just me with payments that I can handle on my own. All of this still makes me giddy with delight.
I own a cat. Esme, my darling, bitchy, wonderfully quirky adult-feral-rescue of a cat shares my life. She is the first pet that I have ever owned for myself. She came into my life because she needed a home in the worst way. Also, because I needed a companion in the worst way. It surprised me that my home was almost too big for me. She is my kid, my little girl and my brat. She brings me both joy and pain (sometimes literally). I have come to really appreciate the uniqueness that she brings with her and how she changes my life. ... Crap. I just remembered I need to change her litter box. The work of a cat mommy is never done. The princess needs her food, her water, her litter, her toys and her proper pettage. From the noises she is making right now, I'd say she thinks I'm not giving her enough of something. Playtime no doubt.
I am fully single and have been for the last six months. You know, I can't decide which is worse - breaking up with someone while you are still in love and are moving or breaking up with someone because the romantic relationship is gone. I very much appreciate the fact that Yony and I have such a good base of friendship. We are moving back to that. I suppose I should say "I am moving back to that." I am still head over heels for him but we are in place where that is not to be.
We both need to move on. He has. Not to say it was easy for him. That is not for me to say. But, the fact is, he has a girlfriend and a good relationship there. I'm trying to. Of course, lately, every time I have had a crush on a guy, I have discovered he is gay. So, while I am getting a lot of good friends out of it, I am still single and looking.
I have a new circle of friends to mix with the old circle of friends who have moved up here. It took me about six months to become both bored enough and brave enough to go looking for a new LARP group. It took me a little bit but I found a good one and two fun LARPs to boot. Not to mention my regular - not connected to any of my other friends - D&D group. I have made some surprisingly brave (for me) forays into local groups all over and I have started being really social with some people from work.
That, socializing with co-workers is a huge change for me. I used to never-ever socialize with co-workers. My work life was my work life. My non-work life was my non-work life. The two never co-mingled. Now, because so many co-workers moved up from the Bay Area and most of us clung to each other for support, many of us have become really good friends. Also, in a town where 35,000+ people all work at the same company, it is almost impossible to not socialize with at least one person from Microsoft at any given time. It's even more than that if you start counting in contractors.
Over all, despite the stress of the changes, I still think the move was the right thing to do. I have gained more than I have lost, I think. There are still people and places that I miss terribly in the Bay Area and this ache is soothed by my infrequent trips back there, but Seattle is home for me now. I honestly do not want to return to the Bay area but I do wish I could transport a few people and a couple of restaurants up here.
My final thought is that out of all of the moves I have done in my life, I have changed myself, and who I am, the least in this move. It used to be that with every move across state borders, I became a different person. I did not have to do that. I guess I have become comfortable in my skin. Now, I am comfortable in my new home.
Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Wands, Inverted