Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,
Jennifer
gaaneden

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Updated...

Abstract Thoughts has been updated with Trapped in the Body of a Woman - which is mostly about musings on my current (lack of) love life and some unhappiness with the political situation.

July 12
Trapped in the Body of Woman

Occasionally, I joke about "collecting" gay men. With my track record over the past few years, if I have had a crush on a man, 90% of the time, he has been gay or bi. As soon as I discover they are gay, they turn into really good friends. The official term for me is "fag hag" but I have been assured that this is not a bad term. It is said with great affection and I must admit, I have a damn good time hanging out with my gay buddies. Maybe because we both know the other is completely 'safe' so to speak. Thus, no weird pressure to impress.

However, sometimes, it can be incredibly frustrating to meet someone, think they are completely keen and discover that not only are you not their type, you are not even their preferred gender! This has recently spawned the thought "I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body" which, of course, makes me laugh as much as it has some merit.

No, really. Hear me out. I'm attracted to gay men. I have no desire to have children. Though, I will admit, with the right man, I have wanted them very badly. Yony and I discussed it and chalked it up the war of the pheromones. But, I digress. I have a twin brother, so I have a whole lot of excess testosterone in my body. I prefer pants to skirts. I am a serious fan of wash and go hair. I'm allergic to most make ups so my dressing up and being girly is pretty much limited to LARPing or the occasional fancy night out and I have a lot more guy friends than girl friends.

OK. So, it's a silly idea but, sometimes I think my life would be easier if I were a gay man.

***

This past few days have been host to the worst PMS cycle I've ever had. I'm semi-used to the insomnia with took root last Wednesday night and is still with me. The usual restlessness is there but, unexpectedly, I have been in so much pain these past couple of days that I could barely move. The kind of pain that make you wonder who is playing tug-o-war with your insides. Then, brand new to my cycle symptoms has been a whole lot of nausea. It has made the weekend very strange indeed.

Speaking of this weekend, at Lori and David's official housewarming party, I got to see Will and Cynthia for the first time in a year. They have finally moved up to the Seattle area. I didn't really get a chance to talk with either in depth but now that they are here, we have time. I'm certain there will be a bit of home and kitten showing off to be done soon. Not to mention some of the gamer geek-fest that generally happens when gamer geek friends haven't seen either other in a long while. Plus, I think I have convinced them to try out the Crimson Dawn LARP. They both would so fit in well.

***

For the first time in my life, I have really started become honestly uneasy with the government and with our current administration. Before, I was just grouchy and grumbling. I haven't approved of some of what has been going on but I figured that come election time, I would do my duty and exercise my right to vote the person I have not approved of out of office. A couple months ago, there were a few of random niggles about possible terrorist problems coming down at election time and that might stop the election. The closer we get to the election, the more these random niggles have become full blow "possibilities" with major news networks discussion people in power wanting to delay the presidential elections due to fears of terror activities. This has made me concerned enough that I have written to both of Washington's senators.

Senator Murray,

I am writing to you from a need born of an unease that borders on fear. It is a feeling I dislike immensely. Recently, in the news, I have been reading about repeated warnings and speculations of possible terrorist attacks that could delay or cancel the upcoming presidential elections. I cannot express just how much this thought upsets me. The presidential elections must not be delayed (nor, heaven forbid, be cancelled) - terrorist threat or no. Voting is a basic fundamental right within the United States. It is one I strongly believe in. Please do everything in your power to make sure that the premise our country was based on is not compromised. This is a democracy. I do not want to watch it morph into a dictatorship based on terrorist threat and citizen complacency.

Thank you,
Jennifer Brozek

CC: Senator Cantwell


I never thought I would have to write my senators with the fear of losing my right to vote for who I believe president should be.

Tarot Card for the Day: Queen of Wands
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