Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,
Jennifer
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Updated...

Abstract Thoughts has been updated with Escapism - which is mostly about my sudden realization of how I have been acting lately.

May 8
Escapism

It occurred to me recently, as I realized that I would much rather be home reading a book than at work or working out that I had hit a deep phase of escapism. I am guessing it started about two weeks ago because that is when the voracious reading started. I am in the middle of my sixth book in two weeks and I have six more sitting out in the queue in the open. For some, two to three books a week is not unusual. For me, lately, it is extremely unusual. I had dropped down to 1-2 books a month. Now, I can't get enough.

I'm not sure what happened. I'm not sure if something broke or something got fixed or, maybe, a little of both. All I seem to think about these days is anything but reality. I want to read, to play video games, to write and to watch movies. I don't want to work nor do house work nor think about anything that doesn't seem fun. I know there are things to do: Contact Karen about my taxes; clean up the living room; pay bills; do laundry; deposit checks; go grocery shopping and various other mundane chores. I find myself resisting them all. I am forcing myself to do some of them so they get done and don't bite me in the ass later.

I'm also finding myself turning inward more. I'm not writing in Abstract Thoughts nor LiveJournal nearly as much as I used to do. I find myself internally debating going out with friends after I've already agreed to do so. I always have a good time but, this strange reluctance is bothering me. I think to myself that I should call Robert or Hans or Jeff and suggest dinner then, I discover that it is too late or too early or too something. So, I don't. Then, I feel guilty later, like I stood them up or something. Which, I didn't. I don't know. I guess I'm being just plain weird.

On the good side of things, this had made me pick up Regressor's Evolution again, to do my last major overhaul before it goes out to the final read group. My thoughts stray to past conversations about the novel and other's opinions on what needs to be fixed or added. They mingle with thoughts of the next parts of the story and how my plan for writing them will be different than how I wrote RE. I will admit, there is a big resistance to actually diving into the work because it is a lot of work. But, once I'm there, I'll be there for a while.

Oh! Thinking of writing, I did have a recent spurt of responses. Four rejections and one acceptance. My poem Dream Stalker is going to be published in Ambitions magazine. It's small press but well thought of. I'm glad for the poem. Dream Stalker is one of my favorites. On the non-fiction side of things, Games Unplugged has gone the way of the dodo bird but, like the phoenix, a new gaming magazine has risen in its place and my article about the emergence of the Alpha Gamer Girl will be going in its first magazine, to be published in August 2004 and given away at GenCon. Plus, I already have my assignment for the following issue.

***

Two amusing side notes:
1. My cat is righteously offended at fake meat. I gave her a piece of my Morningstar Farms "sausage" patty, which she ate but then started meowing loudly at me. So, I gave her another piece, which she sniffed then ignored. She scolded me for the next five minutes.

2. I have a science experiment going on in my kitchen right now. A month ago, Mom bought a loaf of lo-carb bread. She didn't really like the brand she got, so she didn't eat much of it. Two weeks ago, I remembered it was there and thought it would be moldy. Nope. So, I left it, more out of morbid curiosity that anything else. A month later, the bread still isn't moldy. Now, I don't think it is edible anymore but I'm wondering why it isn't moldy. I'm going to keep the loaf until it does become moldy, I think.

Tarot Card for the Day: Seven of Wands, Inverted
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