Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

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Abstract Thoughts has been updated with Epiphanies Suck - which is about a realization I had today. I'm still chewing it over as to why I'm feeling this way.

November 11
Crappy Realizations AKA Epiphanies Suck
I'm moving right along in my own personal NaFicSubMo contest. 12 of 30 submissions completed. However, those were all of the "easy" ones. The "Calls for Submission" that I had been saving to see if I could enter them. Now, I'm past the erotica stuff and onto the speculative fiction stuff. The Ralan page is seriously my friend. As are the bibliographies of my writer friends. Yep, that's one of the best ways to find places to submit you work: by trolling through the pages of people who have already been published.

So, on Ralan, I have a strategy:

1. Enter all writing contests that have no entry fee. Sure, you may not get paid that much but it looks great for the portfolio on the spec fiction side of things.
2. Then, look at all of the SF Paying Markets
3. And, all of the SF Pro Markets
4. End with the Anthology Markets.

I'm pretty sure that I'll have my last 18 submissions by #4. The only problem is now that I have to either write full new stories/poetry or do severe edits on old stories. So, submissions will take a lot more time now.

I was sitting at work today, mentally dealing with the latest curve ball my boss had tossed me, hovering somewhere between "Fuck it" and "Zen acceptance" when a thought popped into my head; unbidden and unexpected.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

The thought surprised me. It almost frightened me. It was a bold statement but I wasn't sure if I actually understood what it was that I didn't want to do anymore. I cautiously poked at the thought, asking myself what I meant by that.

"This. Testing. QA. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't enjoy it like I used to."

Well, shit. Now's a fine time to decide this, Jenn. You've moved. You've bought a house and you are committed to another 18 months at MS in this department. Signed papers and everything. Not to mention the whole economic market thing - or lack thereof.

"I know. But, it's true. I don't want to do it anymore."

Alright. Let's look at this logically. I know you and your impulse Sagittarian ways. Why don't you like and what else would you in this market?

"I don't know. All I know, is that after 10 years of testing, I don't think I want to be in Test for the rest of my life. In fact, I'm not sure I want to be in the tech sector for the rest of my life."

Ok. There could be a couple of things causing this in me now. It could be that part of me is rebelling against the idea of being "forced" to stay in one job for the next 18 months. It could be that part of me is looking at all of the changes that have come into my life recently and my subconscious has decided that a shake up in my professional life might be good. It could be that I'm hitting a mid-life crisis early. I'm not sure.

There is one thing I do have to admit. I have thought about leaving the tech sector several times before. I have thought of other things I would like to do. For example, I could go back to waitressing. Find a high end restaurant to waitress at 30 hours a week and write full time or go back to school. I would absolutely love to become a scholar of religious history or mythology. Perhaps, I could learn how to identify and appraise antiques. Maybe, I should get a psychology degree and go into counseling. The point is, I have an awful lot of interests and ideas that I would love to pursue outside of the tech industry. I'm young enough to voluntarily change careers.

Or, as it has been pointed out to me, after I receive my retention bonuses, I could move to temping half time in Test or admin while spending the other half of my time seriously focusing on writing. I'm just wondering if there is something else I could do half time that would pay the bill sufficiently while I wrote the other part time. Some of the other wild ideas I've had include: housewife/mother, 911 operator, librarian, union grocery clerk, personal trainer and masseur. The kind of job I can work in order to live, rather than live in order to work. I'm open to suggestions.

Tarot Card for the Day: The Hanged Man

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