Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

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Stupid & Furious

Warning: I am really pissed off right now. Those of you with sensitive feelings might not want to read this.

Alright, since it has come to my attention that some people have decided that I have not been honest with them, I'm going to lay the whole bloody thing out on the line. I'm sure some people are going to go "Huh?" or think this is a silly thing to get all riled up about, however I -really- pisses me off when I'm not only accused of lying, I am accused of lying in a public forum that brings to mind a condescending adult chiding a small child. I absolutely loath such manipulations and will not abide by them.

Here was my basic train of thought from start to finish:
I was in two LJ Buffy games; OSI and Sacrifical.

In both games, I played cannon characters. I started thinking about bringing in an original.

In both games, we post at least weekly. So, that is a minimum of four posts a week for me. I'm already being pressed for time in my new job/social life/house/etc...

I ponder bringing in the character into OSI because I wasn't having that much fun in OSI. But, I'm a gamer. I make my own fun. This original would be lots of fun.

Then, I started thinking about my time situation again. I'm already struggling to get through four IC posts a week. Five would be that much more. So, I decide that maybe I should get rid of one of the Buffy games and concentrate on just the one.

I think about it long and hard and decide, yes. Drop one game due to time considerations. Ok. Which one? The one I'm having less fun in. OSI.

I drop OSI, explain that it is due to time considerations and thank everyone for role playing with me. Do I specifically say "Oh, I'm dropping OSI because I figured out I can only play in one LJ game and I wasn't having fun here."? No. That's just plain rude. I did, however, ping that GM and let them know before I posted the farwell post that I was leaving and the decision to leave was time based.

I concentrate on Sacrificial. It's fun. It is fitting in my schedule. But, once again, I'm playing only cannon characters. A couple weeks later, I decide, for sure, I want to play this original. I can do three posts a week. It's less than the four I was doing and certainly less than the five I first considered.

I talk to the GM. I start working out what she is and I post an introduction.

Apparently, the GM of OSI didn't believe me. Apparently, they have been spending time bitching about my "lying" behind my back to my friends. They didn't say anything to me until today ... in a public forum... in such a manner that as to make it seem like I had just been caught being bad or being guilty. I loath that sort of manipulation and have told them so. We've had it out now and have an agreement to be "bluntly" honest with each other. This situation should never have happened. This GM should have come to me first and confronted me if they thought I was lying.

When speaking to another friend about this, it seems that a lot of people, after hearing about it, simply assumed I lied about the whole damn situation, that I didn't leave OSI due to time considerations. That I left because I wasn't having fun. Well, you know what, I didn't lie. If I had the time to stay in the game, I would have stayed and brought in the original character there. I miss the relationship I set up in that game. I don't have them in Sacrificial.

So, that's the whole damn train of thought and action. Frankly, all of this leaves a really bad taste in my mouth and pit in my stomach, knowing that some of my "friends" now automatically assume that I lie to them.

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