January 7th, 2008

Jareth Pissy

Sucky Dreams

I know I wasn't the only one to have bad dreams last night but this one really got to me.

The short version is that both Jeff and I were still in college and I murdered Jeff by drugging him and drowning him in watery mud. It was very detailed in how I prepared to murder him and the struggle with him and the fact that his body floated like cork. Afterwards, I prepared my alibi, got rid of the evidence and thought about how I could make it seem like I was insane if I was charged. I remember the distinct thought of "Now Jeff and I will never be married." I was terribly sad when I thought it. I know that wasn't the reason I killed him. I don't know why I did.

I woke up half crying. I debated about waking up Jeff but he and I have had a couple conversations about waking each other up when we have bad dreams. So I did. I apologized as I told him about the dream. He reassured me and it was OK and held me until the alarm went off. But man, did that suck.

The only thing I can think of is that I'm having an anxiety attack about selling my condo (it's still not ready and was supposed to be done a week ago) and I'm afraid that I'm going to drag him down with me? Or maybe that he won't love me anymore or feel used? Or something dumb like that. I don't know.

You married types out there... did you have anxiety dreams before you got married?