September 26th, 2006


Read the Bloody Profile, Will You?!

You know what gets me hot? Guys who can read. Seriously. If you can read and do read and understand what you read, feel free to "woo" me, "wink" at me or generally let me know you're interested. I'm a single, intelligent, financially secure woman who knows where she's going in life.

I'm on a couple of online match sites. As "dating services" these all, in a word, suck. Why am I on them? Because I have friends on them and I'm too lazy to deal with what I would have to do to get off them and some actively prevent you from leaving. So, I ignore them for the most part.

I'm pretty clear in what I want and who I am. See, in fact, I have written the following in most of them:

"As a final note, I do not want children. I have no interest in being a mother or a stepmother. If children or future children are important to you, I am definitely not the lady for you. I will not respond to anyone who lists a definite future desire for children, or currently has children living at home with them, in their profile."

The above does not mean that I do not like children. I do - in small doses. But it does mean that I do not want children - YOURS or MINE.

So tell me, dear Reader, why do I persist in receiving winks and woos from fathers who have children living at home? It's enough to make me want to give up on mankind and dating altogether. Or, at least their ability to read.

This morning's wink just stuck in my craw. "My son is 8 years old and is going to be Spiderman for Halloween. How about you? What are you going to be?"

A fucking Stop Sign.

And I don't think I want to get into his profile clearly stating that "heavy women just don't do it for him" and to please not contact him if you are a BBW while mine specifically states "There is one thing that I feel I need to mention: I now weigh 240 pounds. (When I first wrote this, I was at 320 pounds.) I don't look it in person. Most people can see I'm overweight but everyone is shocked by "that much." I don't want there to be any false illusions of my looks. I have a great face, beautiful eyes and a fabulous smile, but I'm not a model by any stretch of the imagination. I am on a diet/exercise program and I have something called a lapband. The weight is coming off, slowly but surely."

There are some days when I just hate humanity. If it wasn't for a recent encounter of the "holy shit, you're cute and we connected" kind, I would give it all up and become a celibate hermit.