Apocalypse Girl

I went out to the Merc tonight with my roommate to meet up with friends. It was a good time separated by a haze of sorrow. On the way to the club, my friend Dave called. I wasn't driving. He was crying. I could hear it in his voice. A gaming friend of ours had died in a motorcycle accident the day before. I didn't know Britt super well but I knew him enough to still exchange random emails. Well enough that it hurt when Dave told me. Right then, I realized (again) how far away I was from some friends I cared deeply about.

The club was good. The people, my friends, were, too. The tears were brief in the car. Deep breaths to control them. We were going to have a good time. Going to meet up with friends. I told a couple of people. I stopped telling people when I realized it made them uncomfortable. I drank. Not to excess. Didn't finish that 4th glass of wine. Drinking water now. Eating leftover taters and gravy.

The stupid thing is that I am upset that I can't remember the name of any of Britt's characters from the Port Townsend game or the Star Wars game. We had a damn fine time gaming together but I can't remember those details and it is making me feel like a horrible person.

I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't. We weren't that close but I feel like I should remember those details. I can remember bits... but not those damn names. I don't know why not. It is making me cry more than the discovery of his death and that makes me feel so small.

Dammit.

In an effort to procrastinate and generally screw around doing everything but what I really should be doing (writing), I have finally updated my Dreamlines... dream journal with the more significant dreams from my paper journal. I've been doing a lot more dreaming lately. I think it is because I'm making the effort to get a more appropriate amount of sleep.

15 May 2006: Fire Bug - A strange little dream involving me living with my father in a mostly empty house. Both of us are addicted to video games. I want to light some incense and things go very wrong after that.

10 June 2006: Stand Off - An unpleasant dream involving two of my testers from work. One has taken on an evil role. The other has taken on a protector role.

21 June 2006: Bed Knife - After rejecting a gay friend of mind who was flirting with me, another friend, with the permission of all there, declares his intentions towards me. (Appearances by sylvan and elryion.)

29 July 2006: Setup - Ice is visiting me from DC. However, he is not acting as he normally does. Along the way, we all see technology that should not exist. In the end, I realize there has been a setup but I can't figure out who has done the setup or what the real goal was. (Appearance by s33k3r.)