October 25th, 2003


Pro Club

I'm back from the Pro Club. Woo! I am so out of shape. Wow. The person who was supposed to give me my free personal trainer consultation didn't show (had a test, guess the guy who set it up didn't know), so the manager declared that not only was I going to get my first consultation free, he was going to pay for the second one himself. Cool.

I met the replacement trainer, Kulo. Nice guy, affable and understanding to my lack of fitness at any level save strength. Apparently, my strength is in the upper good range and "impressive" for someone in my shape. However, I have no flexibility at all.

I'm starting out all cardo with weights being tossed in within the next two weeks. I found out how much the trainers go per hour. Not cheap but not too out of my budget. I'm probably going to see Kulo once a week for the next couple of weeks, then move to every other week.

Now, I'm going to go collapse. :)
  • Current Mood
    pleased pleased

Mad at the world and myself...

Well, this really sucks a lot. It's 8pm on a Saturday evening and I'm stuck at home because I kept getting lost going to the place that I was supposed to go to for a party. I tried several times, called Hans, all pissy because I kept getting lost. Yelled at him. I shouldn't have. Not his fault that SR-99 seems to be damn impossible to find.

I think I'm maddest because I gave up after getting lost so many times. Maybe, if it had been daylight and I wasn't constantly being blinded by the fucking SUVs all over the place, I would have been able to continue on. I finally went home because I was so angry and so frustrated I couldn't think straight. I figured IF I ever made it to the bloody party, I'd be a little dark cloud of gloom because I was so tense and moody from the drive getting there. No one wants that.

I'm fighting off the urge to go on a tear about how much I "hate" this place. I don't hate it. Logically, I know this. I'm just frustrated at my lack of knowledge and absolute lack of anything resembling a sense of direction. Of course, my emotional side wants to tell my logical side to "Fuck off and die!" So, they aren't speaking to each other right now.

I feel like I failed tonight. I wasn't capable of doing something. I HATE that. I really do. I also hate the fact that everything seems to be a fucking mountain. There are no molehills. Everything is hard. Everything is a drama. Everything is over the top. When the hell do I get back to being a normal person again? When do things stop being abject failures or triumphant victories? I want things to normalize. I want things to stop being peaks and valleys.

I'm tired of this.
  • Current Mood
    pissed off pissed off