Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

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Dark Sides

I recently did one of those silly surveys which had the question: "The Force is strong with you. What are the chances the Dark Side will dominate your destiny?" I answered, "Not real good, honestly. I'm too nice to be of the Dark Side. I'd regret it."

M'ris took exception to my answer and after some thought, I think she's right. It's not the fact that I'm nice that would stop me from going to the Dark Side. It's an internal moral code. One that has nothing to do with right and wrong and everything to do with fear. Fear of the loss of control of myself and who I am.

No. Seriously. I'm looking at a Willow situation everytime I am faced with something that could be addicting; that could make everything easier at the cost of control. It's always the good girls who go so bad and no one ever sees it coming because they were always so nice, so proper, so responsible.

I know I have an addictive personality. It's why, despite my desire to so, I have never actually tried illicit drugs. It's not the fear of getting caught. It's not the fear of doing wrong. It's the fear of liking it too much and being unable to stop myself from wanting more. (There's also the fear that the drug would do absolutely nothing for me. But, that is a quirk for another time.)

I think accepting the power of the Dark Side would give the same rush that a drug would have. It would be addicting and I would lose control of myself. I would lose who I am. People admire me for my strong will and for my self control. They have no idea why I hold myself rigidly nor the fear I hide of what would happen if I were to forget myself and simply let it all go.

Fear Leads To Anger. Anger Leads To Hate. Hate Leads To Suffering...

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