It seems, my subconscious has decided to tackle my fear/uncomfortableness of being alone in public in a social way. I’m not talking about running to the bank or going grocery shopping, or even clothes shopping. I’m talking about going to a movie or going out to lunch or going to a book reading by myself.
I’m not sure where this fear of being alone has come from but I’ve managed to take myself to lunch and to go to a book reading by myself so far. I guess going to the movies alone is next.
I do know, after I have gone out and done something social by myself, I wonder why I was so uncomfortable with the idea of it. No one yelled at me or sneered at me being alone. I suppose it is one of those things that is somehow wrapped up with your self esteem. An older woman out alone. No one must love her. Such a sad soul to be pitied.
All such silly and stupid thoughts. I know many a happy hermit and being alone does not mean anything other than the fact that you are alone at that point in time. Nothing more, nothing less. And yet… and yet, I am still screwing up the courage to go to that movie by myself.
Sometimes, my brain is a funny place.