Jennifer (gaaneden) wrote,

Future Planning

I think it is safe to say that I'm somewhat spoiled when it comes to my life. I have a wonderful husband, a nice house, two paid off cars, and am in decent enough health for my age. I have the ability to be a freelancer. I have worked hard to get like this. It's part of becoming an adult. I mean, being an adult had to have some perks.

The hard part right now is trying to transition from "spoiled" to "not spoiled." I hate having to really think about every dollar I spend and weigh the options of whether or not I really need that thing I'm about to buy. But, here I am, back at that place, because of the economy and the current unknown future of my pays-the-bills job.

My pays-the-bills job is funded by government money. Currently, we have no idea if we will have money for next year. This means I may no longer have a pays-the-bills job as of Feb 2012. This is playing merry hell with my future planning. Mostly it means the Husband and I are defaulting to "no" when it comes to buying things we don't need. If it is preventative maintenance or replacing/fixing something that is broken, that's cool. Except that it now comes with a cost.

For example, both cars (one is 6 years old, the other is 5) just ended up in the shop for unexpected but needed maintenance. No car, no job for the Husband. No car, no ability to do everything else for me and the house. It was a not-insignificant amount of money that we paid at the cost of holiday plans for my birthday. I'm trying not to sulk over this. I should be happy that I had the ability to pay for the repairs. Instead, I'm mad that I couldn't just say "We'll make it up over the next couple of months."

I feel like I'm back to struggling on my own again. I'm not. Not really. Not yet. We still have some household perks and ways to cut back if we really need too. And we may. If, in Nov/Dec, the boss finds out we don't have funding. If we do, I can relax a little bit. If we don't my personal panic level is going to skyrocket. It is one thing to logically know we are going to be OK. It is another thing entirely on an emotional level.

Eventually, I will adjust my mental attitude on this whole situation to hunker down and do what needs doing but for now, I'm sulking.

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