*Something downstairs falls over*
Me: You hear that?
Him: No, but I'm going to check it out...naked.
Me: You are a cliche.
Him: I'm a guy. Naked man's defense.
Me: Point.
Naked man's defense: If you come across a naked man in the road, avoid him. He knows something you don't know, is crazy, or has skills to back up his nakedness.
Me: You hear that?
Him: No, but I'm going to check it out...naked.
Me: You are a cliche.
Him: I'm a guy. Naked man's defense.
Me: Point.
Naked man's defense: If you come across a naked man in the road, avoid him. He knows something you don't know, is crazy, or has skills to back up his nakedness.
Him: *massive belch*
Me: So say we all.
Him: In accordance with the prophecy.
Me: With an AK-47.
Him: And then the murders started?
Me: And then the murders started.
Me: So say we all.
Him: In accordance with the prophecy.
Me: With an AK-47.
Him: And then the murders started?
Me: And then the murders started.
The Husband walks upstairs and looks into my office. I'm writing (as usual).
Husband: "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's just fun."
Me: *blink*blink* "Wait, what?"
Husband: "Thinking up my new Shadowrun character."
Me: "I married the right guy."
Husband: "It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt. Then it's just fun."
Me: *blink*blink* "Wait, what?"
Husband: "Thinking up my new Shadowrun character."
Me: "I married the right guy."
Me: "Ow."
Jeff: "I didn't touch your wrist."
Me: "I know. But, the the inner wrist is an erogenous zone."
Jeff: "So, it was a painfully erotic tattoo?"
Me: "Oh no. This was breathing heaving, wiggling toes, squeezing my jeans to distract myself."
Jeff: "You know, all of those things sound erotic."
Me: "..."
Me: "Point conceded but it was not an erotic tattoo. It hurt."
Jeff: "I didn't touch your wrist."
Me: "I know. But, the the inner wrist is an erogenous zone."
Jeff: "So, it was a painfully erotic tattoo?"
Me: "Oh no. This was breathing heaving, wiggling toes, squeezing my jeans to distract myself."
Jeff: "You know, all of those things sound erotic."
Me: "..."
Me: "Point conceded but it was not an erotic tattoo. It hurt."
Me: What House are you?
Jeff: Ravenclaw. No doubt. I’m not ambitious enough to be Slytherin, and I don’t want to be a hero. So, no Gryffindor. Not nice enough to be Hufflepuff.
Me: I’m Hufflepuff, probably. Or Ravenclaw.
Jeff: You like secrets and knowledge. Ravenclaw.
Me: But I’m lazy. I don’t want to have to work for it. Slytherin would work if it were only about publishing. I’m ambitious about my writing career. But I have the duty and loyalty notes of Hufflepuff… But you know what I find interesting? It’s those who identify with Gryffindor are the ones most offended when someone thinks they’re Hufflepuff. Not Slytherin.
Jeff: That’s because Slytherin realize that Hufflepuff is just a step away. They can be tempted with power in order to do good. Hufflepuff is just the other side of the coin from them.
Me: And because Hufflepuff is less likely to judge based on a archetype of your house in school.
Jeff: Yeah.
Me: I wonder if I could be a Huffleclaw.
Jeff: Or a Ravenpuff.
Me: Heh. Either would do.
Jeff: Ravenclaw. No doubt. I’m not ambitious enough to be Slytherin, and I don’t want to be a hero. So, no Gryffindor. Not nice enough to be Hufflepuff.
Me: I’m Hufflepuff, probably. Or Ravenclaw.
Jeff: You like secrets and knowledge. Ravenclaw.
Me: But I’m lazy. I don’t want to have to work for it. Slytherin would work if it were only about publishing. I’m ambitious about my writing career. But I have the duty and loyalty notes of Hufflepuff… But you know what I find interesting? It’s those who identify with Gryffindor are the ones most offended when someone thinks they’re Hufflepuff. Not Slytherin.
Jeff: That’s because Slytherin realize that Hufflepuff is just a step away. They can be tempted with power in order to do good. Hufflepuff is just the other side of the coin from them.
Me: And because Hufflepuff is less likely to judge based on a archetype of your house in school.
Jeff: Yeah.
Me: I wonder if I could be a Huffleclaw.
Jeff: Or a Ravenpuff.
Me: Heh. Either would do.
(IM edition)
Jennifer: Is this something you'd be interested in? http://io9.com/beautiful-space-themed-b
Jeff: Pretty cool... But eh, not really a "need", we have lots of sheets and stuff.
Jennifer: OK.
Jeff: Plus... looks like more of a thing I'd have gotten as a bachelor. :)
Though, if you want them, I certainly wouldn't reject.
Jennifer: Just cause you're married doesn't mean you have to give up awesome.
Jeff: True.
(Personally, I love these. If you want, we have a king sized bed. :) )
Jennifer: Is this something you'd be interested in? http://io9.com/beautiful-space-themed-b
Jeff: Pretty cool... But eh, not really a "need", we have lots of sheets and stuff.
Jennifer: OK.
Jeff: Plus... looks like more of a thing I'd have gotten as a bachelor. :)
Though, if you want them, I certainly wouldn't reject.
Jennifer: Just cause you're married doesn't mean you have to give up awesome.
Jeff: True.
(Personally, I love these. If you want, we have a king sized bed. :) )
The Husband and I were in the car doing errands. It was very sunny.
Me: Looks like we’re both going to get a lot of vitamin D today.
Him: That’s what she said!
Me: *confused look*
Him: No? Doesn’t work?
Me: *long pause* Oh! Okay. I get it. *pause* Actually, that was pretty clever. I suppose, if I were a guy, I would’ve gotten it immediately.
Him: Probably.
Me: My first thought was: “Does semen have vitamin D? It thought it was protein.”
Him: Protein and enzymes and all that good stuff. It could have vitamin D.
Me: I was the wrong audience for that one.
Him: Yeah. Still love me?
Me: Of course.
Me: Looks like we’re both going to get a lot of vitamin D today.
Him: That’s what she said!
Me: *confused look*
Him: No? Doesn’t work?
Me: *long pause* Oh! Okay. I get it. *pause* Actually, that was pretty clever. I suppose, if I were a guy, I would’ve gotten it immediately.
Him: Probably.
Me: My first thought was: “Does semen have vitamin D? It thought it was protein.”
Him: Protein and enzymes and all that good stuff. It could have vitamin D.
Me: I was the wrong audience for that one.
Him: Yeah. Still love me?
Me: Of course.
When I Think of You
(For Jeff on Valentine’s Day)
Roses are red… but I don’t care.
Violets are blue… and perhaps that’s true.
Honey is sweet… and meat is savory.
And a knight is known for his bravery.
But none of that matters when I think of you.
Dice go clatter.
Kitten claws tatter.
Windows shatter.
Some poems flatter.
But none of that matters when I think of you.
15 minutes afar.
A long drive in the car.
Grocery store shopping.
Even dirty floor mopping.
All of it is better when I think of you.
Roses are red… but I don’t care.
Violets are blue… and perhaps that’s true.
Honey is one of your favorite treats.
And we both like prestige class feats.
All of it makes me smile when I think of you.
I’m pretty bad at poetry.
But I know you’ll forgive me.
Especially since this is meant to be cheeky.
And because life is sweet and you love me.
There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.
Now my poem is done.
What a relief.
The day is won.
That’s my belief.
Because I love you.
Love,
Jenn
(For Jeff on Valentine’s Day)
Roses are red… but I don’t care.
Violets are blue… and perhaps that’s true.
Honey is sweet… and meat is savory.
And a knight is known for his bravery.
But none of that matters when I think of you.
Dice go clatter.
Kitten claws tatter.
Windows shatter.
Some poems flatter.
But none of that matters when I think of you.
15 minutes afar.
A long drive in the car.
Grocery store shopping.
Even dirty floor mopping.
All of it is better when I think of you.
Roses are red… but I don’t care.
Violets are blue… and perhaps that’s true.
Honey is one of your favorite treats.
And we both like prestige class feats.
All of it makes me smile when I think of you.
I’m pretty bad at poetry.
But I know you’ll forgive me.
Especially since this is meant to be cheeky.
And because life is sweet and you love me.
There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.
Now my poem is done.
What a relief.
The day is won.
That’s my belief.
Because I love you.
Love,
Jenn
Him: “I’m looking at fish.”
Me: “You can have fish but only if they’re pretty.”
Him: “Look, these fish glow in the dark.”
Me: “Oooh. That qualifies as pretty.”
Him: “Genetically modified fish for the win!”
Me: “You can have fish but only if they’re pretty.”
Him: “Look, these fish glow in the dark.”
Me: “Oooh. That qualifies as pretty.”
Him: “Genetically modified fish for the win!”
Me: “Is that your way of saying ‘Shut up and let me read’?”
Him: “No. You’re supposed to be going to sleep.”
Me: “I can’t.”
Him: “Why not?”
Me: “In my world, it’s still 11pm.”
Him: “Okay. So, close your eyes, bring up your world and make edits. Keep track changes on and remember to save it. Then hit enter and watch your world turn over to midnight.”
Me: “I love you.”
Him: “I love you, too.”
Him: “No. You’re supposed to be going to sleep.”
Me: “I can’t.”
Him: “Why not?”
Me: “In my world, it’s still 11pm.”
Him: “Okay. So, close your eyes, bring up your world and make edits. Keep track changes on and remember to save it. Then hit enter and watch your world turn over to midnight.”
Me: “I love you.”
Him: “I love you, too.”
"Did we just have a conversation about detachable penises?"
"Yes. Yes, we did."
"Unbelievable."
"I don’t think that I’m going to blog about it. Unless you want me to."
"Yeah...no. I’m cool."
"I should blog this part of the conversation."
"Okay. If you want. But that’s meta, you know."
"I know."
"And noting that it’s meta is sooo meta."
"I guess so."
"Yes. Yes, we did."
"Unbelievable."
"I don’t think that I’m going to blog about it. Unless you want me to."
"Yeah...no. I’m cool."
"I should blog this part of the conversation."
"Okay. If you want. But that’s meta, you know."
"I know."
"And noting that it’s meta is sooo meta."
"I guess so."
"I'm a giant ball of whine. Which is stupid because I feel better than yesterday."
"I know what you need: Tea."
"Tea?"
"That way you'll be a giant ball of twine."
"Oh."
"You want some chai tea?"
"Yes, please."
"I know what you need: Tea."
"Tea?"
"That way you'll be a giant ball of twine."
"Oh."
"You want some chai tea?"
"Yes, please."
Four years ago today, Jeff and I eloped on the day that did not exist, Feb 29. Yes, we also married in front of friends and family on May 1st. Every leap year, Jeff and I celebrate. This year, our first "elopement-anniversary," I made him a book of all of our "Conversations with the Husband," added pictures, and bound it. If you want to see the book I made, "Conversations with the Husband" for my anniversary, look here: http://www.bookemon.com/book-profile/co
"So, who was the drow and why did you bring her with you? Why was she in my dream?"
"I don't know. Maybe she was the mirror opposite of me?"
"No way. The mirror opposite of you would be a very tanned bubbly blond."
"I love you. And you're right. I guess the mirror opposite of me is a tanned bubbly blond into makeup and stuff."
"The horror!"
"I know."
"Maybe the drow is just another side of you. I mean white hair and dark skin is just like you except you're very pale and have dark red hair. It's not your opposite."
"I guess I really don't know why you dreamed of the drow."
"Ah, well."
"I don't know. Maybe she was the mirror opposite of me?"
"No way. The mirror opposite of you would be a very tanned bubbly blond."
"I love you. And you're right. I guess the mirror opposite of me is a tanned bubbly blond into makeup and stuff."
"The horror!"
"I know."
"Maybe the drow is just another side of you. I mean white hair and dark skin is just like you except you're very pale and have dark red hair. It's not your opposite."
"I guess I really don't know why you dreamed of the drow."
"Ah, well."
"We might be able to take the artifact so it can heal us."
"The artifact?"
"The invoker."
"Ew! We're going to carry around the bones of a dead guy to heal us?" *pause* "Oh, we're in public aren't we? Oops."
"Yes, honey, we are."
"I've got to twitter that. No, wait, you twitter it. I'm still eating. I'll retweet it."
@JDM98021 by @jenniferbrozek
"Ew, we're going to carry around the bones of a dead guy to heal us?" ..... "Oh, we're in public aren't we? Oops." #gamerwife
"The artifact?"
"The invoker."
"Ew! We're going to carry around the bones of a dead guy to heal us?" *pause* "Oh, we're in public aren't we? Oops."
"Yes, honey, we are."
"I've got to twitter that. No, wait, you twitter it. I'm still eating. I'll retweet it."
@JDM98021 by @jenniferbrozek
"Ew, we're going to carry around the bones of a dead guy to heal us?" ..... "Oh, we're in public aren't we? Oops." #gamerwife
*watching the groceries we bought go down the line*
"You know, that's got to look weird."
"What?"
"The 2 jars of baby food and 7 cans of cat food. People must wonder about us."
"Why? It's clear that we're fattening up the baby to feed to the cats."
*laughter*
"Or that we're fattening up the cats to feed to the baby."
"I wouldn't do that to my kitties. And we don't have a baby."
"I know."
"I love you."
"You know, that's got to look weird."
"What?"
"The 2 jars of baby food and 7 cans of cat food. People must wonder about us."
"Why? It's clear that we're fattening up the baby to feed to the cats."
*laughter*
"Or that we're fattening up the cats to feed to the baby."
"I wouldn't do that to my kitties. And we don't have a baby."
"I know."
"I love you."
"You know, at this point, I'm kinda glad they don't card me anymore here."
"Well, you know, it's your perm. No twenty-one year old would have a perm."
Me: look of disbelief
Audience: face palm
"Uh… No twenty-one year old would look as good as you do with a perm?"
"Just stop."
"Just stop?"
"You're not helping yourself."
"Ok… Hi!"
"Hello."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
*Break in conversation, followed by awkward small talk*
"I mean, no twenty-one year old would have the money for a perm and therefore you must, you know… Oh, but you were telling me how you used to have perms all the time in college and that was when you were twenty-one and I've just invalidated my… damn."
"Yep. Face it, you messed up."
"Yes, I did. I messed up."
"And I'm totally turning this into a 'Conversations with the Husband' LJ post."
"Really? Ok."
"So, all is well."
"Ok."
"And I got a post out of it."
"Yep. And I really do like your hair."
"Thank you honey."
"Well, you know, it's your perm. No twenty-one year old would have a perm."
Me: look of disbelief
Audience: face palm
"Uh… No twenty-one year old would look as good as you do with a perm?"
"Just stop."
"Just stop?"
"You're not helping yourself."
"Ok… Hi!"
"Hello."
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
*Break in conversation, followed by awkward small talk*
"I mean, no twenty-one year old would have the money for a perm and therefore you must, you know… Oh, but you were telling me how you used to have perms all the time in college and that was when you were twenty-one and I've just invalidated my… damn."
"Yep. Face it, you messed up."
"Yes, I did. I messed up."
"And I'm totally turning this into a 'Conversations with the Husband' LJ post."
"Really? Ok."
"So, all is well."
"Ok."
"And I got a post out of it."
"Yep. And I really do like your hair."
"Thank you honey."
Ok. So, my new computer is Dark Tower, yours is Thunderclap and the new backup server is Blue Heaven?
Yep. That's the plan.
OK. I'm glad you didn't name your machine Fedic.
Why? And Thunderclap is OK?
Thunderclap is a whole region that has good and bad. Fedic is a place of horror with monsters and doors you shouldn't open. That would be tempting a Chthonian fate with my data.
You're right. Blue Heaven it is.
Yep. That's the plan.
OK. I'm glad you didn't name your machine Fedic.
Why? And Thunderclap is OK?
Thunderclap is a whole region that has good and bad. Fedic is a place of horror with monsters and doors you shouldn't open. That would be tempting a Chthonian fate with my data.
You're right. Blue Heaven it is.
"I have a new idea for the front yard."
"Oh?"
"We put Aslan by the house and then we get a couple of beavers to put by the lamppost."
"Narnia had beavers?"
"Yes, Lucy first met the fawn and then later everyone met the beaver and his wife."
"Oh! Right. I remember."
"Though, I'm a little afraid of searching for 'beaver statuary'."
*long laugh* "I'm sure it'll be fine, honey. Really."
"Maybe I should search for 'Narnia statuary' instead."
"Maybe."
"Oh?"
"We put Aslan by the house and then we get a couple of beavers to put by the lamppost."
"Narnia had beavers?"
"Yes, Lucy first met the fawn and then later everyone met the beaver and his wife."
"Oh! Right. I remember."
"Though, I'm a little afraid of searching for 'beaver statuary'."
*long laugh* "I'm sure it'll be fine, honey. Really."
"Maybe I should search for 'Narnia statuary' instead."
"Maybe."
"I think if I turn right, the restaurant we want is just up here."
"If you're not right, I'm going to eat your cookies."
"If I am right, you can still eat my cookies."
"Not if the restaurant is there and we're gonna have dinner."
"Right."
Drove by the restaurant to discover not only is it closed, the building is for sale. We decide to have dinner after we get back to the mainland. We go our merry way and get on the ferry. As the ferry is docking…
"Oh, damn. I forgot to eat your cookies."
"And that's what she said."
"Indeed I did."
"If you're not right, I'm going to eat your cookies."
"If I am right, you can still eat my cookies."
"Not if the restaurant is there and we're gonna have dinner."
"Right."
Drove by the restaurant to discover not only is it closed, the building is for sale. We decide to have dinner after we get back to the mainland. We go our merry way and get on the ferry. As the ferry is docking…
"Oh, damn. I forgot to eat your cookies."
"And that's what she said."
"Indeed I did."
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gaaneden- Jennifer
- Wordslinger & Optimist!
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