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Updated ...

Abstract Thoughts has been updated with Stop the World - which is basically about my life for the last four days - what I have done and what I haven't done.

February 27, 2009
Stop the World
Monday was a bad day. It was the epitome of "bad Mondays" and, honestly, I don't remember why other than I was sick, had been sick for about three weeks straight – through a convention, a lot of Amazon work and writing. Then some drama reared its ugly head and I snapped in a bad way. I knew it was time to take some time off, to not work, to not write, to not edit, to not deal with anything other than sleeping, reading, watching TV or playing mindless video games.

I think I've slept more in the last four days than I have in the previous week and I feel so much better. I really do. I did nothing. I got off the world for a bit and recuperated. I think I can say I'm over being sick finally. Also, I'm back to dreaming which tells me I'm getting enough rest. Jeff has cared for me as best he could which meant he basically left me alone except for making sure I ate and had enough cuddles.

I'm lucky in the fact that I have a job that does allow me to take a break like this. Usually, I'll take a Friday and hide. This time, I made sure my "pays the bills" writing was done, deferred the next gig until next week and then checked out. Then I got better and for that, I'm grateful.


My top choice of agent did turn me down (again – different agency) because she just doesn't have time to take me on. She is a one woman show right now with some big named clients. I have to admit, this does give me a great "been there, done that" story for the future that will start out something like, "Agents don't call authors just to tell them 'no.'... unless you're me."

Still, Christi gave me a much needed ego boost and assurances that I am a decent author. She is personally calling some of her other agent friends and recommending me to them. She didn't have to do that but she did it anyway. So, I am back to being "so close" to what I want again. That's OK. I have three recommended agents to query to with Christi personally recommending me to two of them.

In the meantime, I have my current writing, editing my Colonial Gothic setting now that my editor there has had a chance to look at it and next week I will be in a teleconference with an independent press about editing their next anthology. Yep, this one looks like it will be a solo venture and I'm going to have to take what I've learned from Amanda and apply it on this new project. Once I have all the details and can announce it, I will.


Jay Lake recently wrote about author friends who react badly to someone else's literary success and how his personal experience with his mentor hurt him a lot. Jealousy is an ugly emotion and it is one I strive to avoid at all costs. It is an intolerance of another's success. Envy, on the other hand, is awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same. It is why I state I can be envious without being jealous. This was my response to his post about the situation.

"This is a very interesting topic to me. I admit to feeling envious of my friends all around me who have novels out there or three book contracts with Tor and other such things. However, I don't feel -jealous- and that, to me, is an important distinction. I do not begrudge any one of my friends their success. Not at all. More power to them and good luck.

But, damn, sometimes I really want to be like them. I want an agent. I want novels on the shelf. I want all of those things.

At the same time, many of my friends, author and non-author alike, consider me a great success. A "real live author" is what one of them called me recently. I have contributed to a dozen RPG books and half a dozen anthologies. I've edited one anthology and I'm going to edit another.

Still... it's not enough for me.

But I would never hate any of my friends for getting out there and getting a novel published. I am envious of their success but not jealous."

Comments

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
strixluna
Feb. 27th, 2009 09:28 pm (UTC)
Heh, you are one of two "real live authors" that I know and I think you're both spiffy. Although I have finally learned that while I consider myself a writer, I'm not an author, nor do I really want to be. I feel better writing for myself alone.

Glad to hear that your getting off the world for a few days was helpful. Your physical health being less than 100% can be such a drain on everything else, as I'm unfortunately learning. Hope that now you're on the mend you'll continue that way.
asthecrowfly
Feb. 27th, 2009 10:43 pm (UTC)
Very happy to see you back in the world, lady. I missed you!
phoebe_k
Feb. 27th, 2009 10:58 pm (UTC)
Part of your post reminded of me "Code 99," a recent post on one of my top favorite blogs, Shrinking Violet Promotions. Check this out, I think it might be your kind of thing too. :)http://shrinkingvioletpromotions.blogspot.com/
gaaneden
Feb. 27th, 2009 11:05 pm (UTC)
That is cool.
phoebe_k
Feb. 27th, 2009 11:08 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's the only resource I've ever seen on marketing for introverts.
gaaneden
Feb. 27th, 2009 11:16 pm (UTC)
I've added them to my blog read list. Thanks.
random_girl
Feb. 28th, 2009 12:47 am (UTC)
I would say that I do envy you. From age 10-25 I wanted the job you have for a living. I made different choices--choices I'm very happy with--but I do still envy you and what you're doing.
covenantscave
Feb. 28th, 2009 01:33 am (UTC)
You are a great writer.

If you keep it up, keep learning, keep trying and experimenting and going for it, you can't help but succeed.

I've noticed that a lot of authors, once they "break out" in some fashion, find their old work to suddenly be in demand again. So hey.

JMS, who accomplished B5, something I could only dream of, posted this a while ago:

http://www.jmsnews.com/msg.aspx?id=1-17565

...and I remember thinking how odd it was that for him, this was such a major career bump, whereas for me it's sort of a "yeah, but it's no B5" kind of feeling.

All about perspective.

::hugs::
covenantscave
Feb. 28th, 2009 01:34 am (UTC)
Oh, and BTW, how would you feel about having one of your, say, Freaky Friday stories turned into a (ultra low) budget short?

Pondering... pondering...
gaaneden
Feb. 28th, 2009 02:21 am (UTC)
I would love it! Let's talk. :)
covenantscave
Mar. 6th, 2009 04:44 am (UTC)
I just went to email you about doing something next week - coffee or dinner, and the only email addy I have for you is your e...b...@yahoo one - is that the right one?

You can just hit me at wiver...@gmail.com
gaaneden
Mar. 6th, 2009 08:25 am (UTC)
I just emailed you from my gmail account.
digitaleopard
Mar. 1st, 2009 11:47 am (UTC)
You're doing what you love and you've been able to make it your career. That makes you a success in my mind. Better, it makes you what Strixluna called you - a word I've used for you before; Spiffy.

"Make way for Her Spiffiness, Dutchess GaanEden, Warden of the Western March and Keeper of the Privy Apocalypse Closet!"

I like that. It came out nicely overdone.
( 13 comments — Leave a comment )